“It is hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it is even harder to give up when you know it is everything you have ever wanted!”
This had always been my favourite saying, although somewhere along the way my eating disorder had made me loose sight of it.
The idea of speaking to a stranger about such an intimate aspect of my life that even I myself didn’t fully understand seemed draughting, and honestly I was dreading it!! But Anna was able to voice some of what I was feeling almost instantly and for the first time in a long time I didn’t feel so alone.
When I first went to see Anna I was indescribably sad, even if I didn’t admit it to myself at the time. ED has this crazy way of convincing you that it is your friend and that you somehow need it, and so the though of letting it go and living without it seems like an impossibility.
Anna helped me to realise that even though I felt like I was in control of everything I ate, it was in fact the food controlling me. She reassured me that my disorder did not define me! That I was more than just my eating disorder; I was a daughter, a sister, a performer, a friend, a singer, an animal lover, a loud laugher, a hard worker, a person.
Anna educated me about nutrition and the physical effects of what I was doing to my body, but without ever making me feel remotely judged or guilty. I gradually gained an understanding which really helped me because I felt that I wasn’t so lost and unsure anymore. Anna has a real love for what she does and this is clear to see. Since that first visit I have never thought of her as my “dietitian” or “therapist” but rather as my friend.
Together we found my own personal motivators. For me it was aways my one and only love … performing! I desperately dream of being onstage and Anna and I both knew that if I was not in good physical health this would not be an option. She reminded me of something to hold onto and strive for when I felt like giving up.
We would continually set short term goals and achievable aims specifically for me which were motivating and satisfied my need to be goal orientated and perfectionistic.
Anna has a very therapeutic approach which helps you feel at ease. She is a remarkable person who has undoubtably played a hugely influential role in my life. I owe so much to this brilliant lady who has utterly turned my life around. I look back at that person and wich I could reassure them “you can do this, it will be okay in the end”; although I never would have believed it at the time.
I am no longer the lonely, isolated and sad person that I used to be. I can socialise again, I can dance again, I can laugh again, I can even love myself again.
Take that Anorexia!
I guess that’s what happens when Ana meets Anna.